FITZROY MOTOR

There is nothing like a BMW for keeping you guessing. Behind the wheel, it’s a constant interplay between the practical and the aesthetic, and you’re never quite sure whether you’re experiencing a quirk of fashion or a stroke of engineering genius. Shepherding the blue and white roundel through town can be an equally mysterious experience for the BMW driver, constantly guessing whether that was a friendly wave from a passer-by, or another British gesture of greeting altogether.

Whatever the case may be, BMWs provoke strong reactions from both the driving public and the automotive press. It’s also a question of trust. With a stable of legendary models behind it, BMW can bank on the luxury of mysterious, brooding competence to sell cars and impress people; but when you feel that trust is being abused, it cuts deep.

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The Bentley had been winking at me all afternoon, a brilliant lozenge of luxury making all the cars around it look decidedly underwhelming. The hour came, finally, and I found myself sauntering towards the Continental GT clutching the beautifully machined key. I was Charlie in the horsepower factory; here was my golden ticket. 

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What is the purpose of the Audi RS5? It’s a question I had on returning the beast to its holding pen. Not that you’d ask that when you first set your eyes on it. The RS5 squats at rest, all dark greens and blacks, daring you to take a ride. It is a car which looks terrifying and alluring in equal measure. With large aggressive alloys, bonnet slashes and an Audi permafrown, it seems to be telling other cars to back off… or else.

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As readers of Fitzroy Motor will be aware, the evocative phrase “Race Car For The Road” is a particular favourite of auto manufacturer marketing departments. And no class of consumer vehicle sees as much warfare over the right to be the definitive example of that as hot hatchbacks. An archetypal hot hatch is the ultimate everyday performance car, able to handle Silverstone’s Copse as well as Folkestone’s shops. And while auto mags never tire of declaring a new king of hot hatches, there’s one car which has always had a rightful, not to mention unnervingly consistent, claim to the throne: the Honda Civic Type R. 

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The eternal wisdom of James Brown echoed in my mind as I eased myself into the Levante. In the world of luxury cars, you pay the cost to be the boss. Look at me, a Maserati says; you know what you see. Quite. Designed for the people who want to be a bad mutha while also being a good mother, Maserati’s passenger-friendly foray into the world of SUVs in 2016 set out to square sports car performance with the practicality of a luxury barge; a car to fit all of the original Maserati Brothers (Alfieri, Bindo, Carlo, Ettore and Ernesto, in case you were wondering), while thrilling them at the same time…

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The weather in Hampshire was terrible. Rain, wind, and misery poured from the skies; it seemed like punishment for not being at work on a Thursday morning. But I was feeling pretty good about it all, because in my hands I had the keys to a boxy and muscular off-roader, the Jeep Wrangler Overland. It looked waterproof enough, and the country lanes in the vicinity were ripe for a quick drive. So I did the gentlemanly thing, and hit the gas…

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